she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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