she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
