I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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