Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
