Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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