our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
