Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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