He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
