Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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