yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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