marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize