moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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