i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
