we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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