Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
