Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
