My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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