I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
