my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
