So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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