your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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