Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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