How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
