im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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