I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
