btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
