Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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