So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize