Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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