I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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