That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
