just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
