she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
