dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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