also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
