Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
