no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
