I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
