Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
