Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
