he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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