i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
