I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I need water and some morals
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