I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
