Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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