dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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