yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
