I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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