Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
