then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
