Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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