I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The Olympian is in my bed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
