So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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