I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize