He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
