That's when you crack a 10am beer
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
