your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
