his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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