Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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