She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
