I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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