does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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