I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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