its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ttyl tear gas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
