thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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