We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
