I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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