i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
