Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i think my cat just said my name.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am naked and annoyed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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