xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
