i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
