someone get that fucking seahorse.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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